Why the notion that another mom is doing it better is a myth!

May 21, 2021 | Motherhood

After having several honest and real conversations with some mom friends recently, I realized that a majority of us moms have the perceived notion that another mom is doing it better.  

We were at a kid’s party recently and one of my mom friends commented on how my child looked perfect with his combed hair and button up shirt. Prior to coming to the party, she asked her husband if they should make their kids comb their hair. They decided it wasn’t worth the fight or time out of their extremely busy schedule.  

I confessed to her that the only reason for the button up shirt was because it was the only clean short-sleeve shirt we had and I didn’t want him to get hot in long sleeve. And for the hair…well that is something I am working on letting go of. Her kids were in mis-matching long sleeve shirts, shorts and uncombed hair. She said she figured they would eventually learn for themselves, but at the same time she was feeling guilty for not having them groomed better after seeing my son.

Truth be told, I was actually really envious of her. What she didn’t see behind the scenes was the stress of trying to get my kid out the door on time and having myself and him look perfect and then having me yell at him to rush out the door.

There we both were in Chuck-e-Cheese, somewhat envious of each other. Her envious of my well groomed child and me of envious her self-contained kids.    

She confessed to me that she had so many things going on that she felt like she wasn’t doing any of them well.  After countless conversations with other mom friends I am finding this is a common theme.

I feel the struggle, because I’ve been there countless times.  Although she was feeling inadequate in all areas of her life what I saw was different.  What I saw was a really good mom that has her priorities straight.  She is a mom who is busy because she is following her passion and along the way teaching her kids about work ethic, responsibility and what it looks like to follow your heart and have an impact on others.

We place so much pressure on ourselves as moms, worried that we aren’t doing this mom thing as well as someone else. Social media has created so much pressure on us to be the perfect mom. Society tells us to strive for perfection in all areas of our life and that there is always someone else doing it better. We think if we forget to post that 6 month picture of our baby on facebook we are somehow inadequate as a mom.  

PERFECTION is constantly being screamed at us.  Expecting that we need to be perfect in all areas of our life only leaves us to feeling drained, exhausted and like we are failures. 

Progress, not perfection is something I am working toward. Less comparisons, less stress, less fighting, more responsible kids. And not because that is what someone else is doing, but because it’s something I desire for myself and my kids.

These thoughts and comparisons span from new moms to empty nest moms, full time working moms to stay at home moms and everything in between. We all have similar struggles, worries, doubts, fears and guilt. We all process it different but it’s there no matter our age or status. That’s the reason for this blog & this mission. To help moms realize we are not alone & together we can support one another. Hence the name Heartfelt Mama(s). Strength comes in numbers & my hope is that you will take this journey with me in loving, encouraging & supporting one another. They say it takes a village to raise a child, but I believe it also takes a village to raise a mom. 

I am mom enough and so are you! 

From one heartfelt mama to another,