Who is she and where did she come from?

May 21, 2021 | Motherhood

Before I had kids I use to think of all the things my kids would and would not be. They would be well behaved, well dressed and respectful. I would never take them into a public place with snotty noses, dirty clothes or uncombed hair.

When I pictured myself as a mother, I thought I would be very patient, never worry, and of course, I would never yell at my kids.  I would be the perfect mom with the perfect kids.

I wouldn’t be the paranoid one or the one to correct my husband when he wasn’t burping the baby the “right” way or in other words my way. But.. I was! I was exactly her.

I still remember driving home from the hospital. My husband was driving, brand new baby in the back seat, and we came to a four way stop. He has always had abrupt stops, so this was nothing new, but my new-found mommy hormones led me to believe we were going through the stop sign and our brand new baby was going to be hit by another car.

I have never been so paranoid in my life and I am by no means a paranoid person. For months after my first son was born, I was this way with everything and I simply couldn’t control it.

Then came the inconsolable crying baby. My first son was a very stubborn little baby and still very stubborn at 6 years old.  For some reason, Tuesdays were always bad days. He would just cry and cry and the only thing that would console him would be walking around our front yard so he could look at the arborvitaes. For some reason that calmed him down, which is all great and dandy except for the fact that he was 17lbs by the time he was 3 months.

Mama and baby

I never thought I could have so much frustration and emotional ups and downs over such a tiny human. I would just count down the minutes until my husband would come home so I could escape.

I always had a knack for consoling crying babies so why now, as a mom, could I not console my own baby? It didn’t make sense. What was I doing wrong? Shouldn’t it be like I see in the picture perfect movies? New baby means happy mama, happy life, picture perfect family.

Recently, one of my very good friends had her first baby. We went to coffee and I asked her, so how is motherhood? She said, “Can I be honest?” Of course I replied yes, please do.

She said “I love it, I so love it and then I hate it!”.

She knew she could confide in me, but I could also hear the question in her voice, wondering if she is the only one who feels that way. My response was “welcome to motherhood”. She continued to share her frustrations and insecurities of how she was unable to console her son, but then her husband would take him and he would be fine. She was feeling like a failure as a mother, just as I had. Just like me, she had plenty of experience with kids and couldn’t understand why she couldn’t console her own baby.

Do you or did you feel this way? Let me reassure you it is normal. It is mommy hormones. 

There is nothing wrong with you and YOU are doing a great job. YOU are an amazing mom.

Motherhood brings about so many emotions, hormones, thoughts, anxieties, worries & comparisons that only a mother understands. We all experience similar emotions. We all respond differently and do the best we can. We all have our struggles and triumphs. 

We all have mom guilt & compare ourselves to others. It’s not just you. It’s all of us. 

We are all navigating this journey of motherhood and who better to do it with than other moms who understand exactly what you are going through.